lousy day at work yesterday...

it was busy from start till end of shift.

transfer to rehab when nothing was up.
fit, fits and fitting of the patient.
load epilim
hourly suctioning for trachy patient
admission yet again
out of no where discharge
confused +++ patient plus irritating relatives
and another out of no where discharge

i was running around the ward like some mad woman
and a point whereby call bells ringing like mad, doctor asking for things, new admission, phone calls....
and i found just myself at the counter. with the clerk

sometimes i just find asking people to do work for u, a chore
i rather do it myself.

if i could do everything myself, i would.
why bother to ask them, since they will tell u loads of crap and turn around and tell u -do it yourself?-
its like, a few mintues of precious time wasted.

i walked myself backed home. sat alone at home.
suddenly... i felt alone.
seems like.. not a soul to share my life with.
when she got home...
the first thing that she did was to off my tv, and nag at me for wasting electricity.?
what was that?
i was trying to tell her something, but i couldnt make myself be understood.
why not i keep quiet then?

i wana isolate myself from everyone.
perhaps; that when i wouldnt feel lonely and alone.
and to enjoy the silence.
because whenever someone talks to me.. they are sharing their problems and
creating problems for me.
and. who would sit down and listen to me?

night shift today.
probably something good. because i can sleep myself away.
and not face anyone.

emotions piling up on me.
im not ok.

colours added @
Saturday, October 04, 2008